” “I can assure you,” he answered, “that it isn’t a habit of mine. ’ ‘By all means,’ agreed Lucy at once, and ignoring the automatic protest that issued from Roding’s lips, she threw a command over her shoulder as she turned to go. She was never able to trace the changes her attitude had undergone, from the time when she believed herself to be the pampered Queen of Fortune, the crown of a good man’s love (and secretly, but nobly, worshipping some one else), to the time when she realized she was in fact just a mannequin for her lover’s imagination, and that he cared no more for the realities of her being, for the things she felt and desired, for the passions and dreams that might move her, than a child cares for the sawdust in its doll. She flung aside every plan she had in life, every discretion. The farmer had become obsessed with her and asked her to marry. ‘And what is it you’re to rescue her from, I should like to know. But I do think that if a girl is to feel comfortable about it they should start fairly equal. It was an intimate smell, the unmistakable scent of him and another woman. She felt privileged above other women at parties, where she was on display as all the duchesses and queens looked upon her with envy as he was so clearly entranced by her in every way. She would never, never go back. So you took my womb away, you took my baby! So I could be a monster! Because she was a monster! We are monsters!” He grabbed the top of the cannon away from her face. I was stupid—stupid and impulsive beyond measure to burst upon you in this way.
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